Talk:Smells Like Teen Spirit/@comment-4166244-20141024210324/@comment-4166244-20141024215125
i know almost none of you are gonna care but i'll say anyway because i need to vent... ok so it all started in ninth grade when i liked this guy a lot. towards the end of the year (mid-april) he asked me to go out with him, but i didnt respond immediately because of...reasons. maybe it was my intuition telling me i would be making a mistake by saying yes. maybe i wasnt ready to be in a commited relationship (i was only fourteen at the time). after a few days of battling with myself, i decided to tell him yes. only to find out from my friend over text that it was all a joke and he got back together with his ex almost right after that. long story short, i was extremely upset and cried a lot and i didnt go to school the next day because seeing him right after that would just make me upset. after that happened, i didn't talk to him for the rest of the school year and i spent my summer angrily lurking his facebook. yeah, im a loser. i know. so tenth grade comes and i have two classes ''with him. i decide to let bygones be bygones and maintain a strcitly platonic relationship with him from that point forward. everything seemingly goes well for the time being, but he did weird things here and there like question me about my relationship status and he even kissed me on the side of my face once when we were alone in the classroom together (?!) i ignored it and from then everything was good... until this year, eleventh grade, comes around lmao. we have yet another class together which is apush. on the second day of school, he confesses to me - and this time he's serious. but the way he asked was strange. he was like, "do you want to go out?", and i'm like," yeah when and where?", and this keeps repeating throughout the entire period because silly ole me thinks he means go out as in go somewhere and hang out like a friendly outing. he clarifies that this is not the case and i am left wide-eyed and slack-jawed. judging by my lack of response do to shock, he tells me i can think about it and he'll wait for an answer. after thinking hard about it...i eventually turn him down. why? because it took me so long to desensitize myself to him - get rid of all those emotions i was feeling and learn how to not let him take control of my judgement. i also come clean about liking him two years ago, which i now thouroughly regret. after that, he doesnt outright ask for a while (more on that later), but he says offputting things like, "i love you" and constantly does skinshippy things with me. i go along with it and i really need to stop doing that i know im working on it. and then just this week he asks me again, but this time, the exchange is far more uncomfortable. an entire 90 minutes of rapid fire interrogation, false proclamations of love, and pleadings for me to accept him. im visibly uncomfortable, but he just wont stop. at this point, im close to crying because he's saying things that remind me of how i used to feel. things like, "i loved you for these past two years" and "you liked me right? why don't you try going with me now? just for one week?" he then goes over to my friend and laments to her about how i wont accept him, '''tells her without permission that i used to like him', and even tries to get her to convince me to change my mind. im lucky i got out of there without breaking down. today at lunch my friend tells me a not-so funny story. she and my other friend (the one who told me about the ex) were talking with the ex and some other friends. the ex leaves because the guy i liked apparently made her angry. the remaining people then start talking about how messy their relationship is and then my friend is like, "wait they're still together? then why is he trying to ask kayla out?" now they all know. and now im really upset because i feel like ive been betrayed yet again. my privacy has been invaded because he told my friend about my feelings toward him and i didnt want anyone to know - it took everything within me to even tell him and i feel like a fool for doing so. on top of that, he is trying to start another relationship with me while he hasnt even concluded the previous one. i dont know what he's trying to do, but honestly, i feel like hitting him. the way he handled this is all wrong and i hope it comes back to haunt him. his story doesnt quite add up either - the first time he confessed, he said he didnt do it in ninth grade because "we didnt know each other that well". but the second time he said it was because "i didnt know how to tell you and you didnt show that you like me back" (that really set me ablaze on the inside because i put my everything into making it known that i liked him) after this, i dont know if i want to associate with him anymore, not even on a platonic basis. sometimes being a friend is still too much.